Hope that Makes Me Dance

I apologize for being MIA lately. Last week, I was preparing for our vacation to Dixie, and this week we're actually here with my family, so things have been a bit crazy! Please excuse anything here that doesn't make much sense. I am currently writing this "doped up" on pain meds and antibiotics. Yes, that's right, as soon as I got to GA pollen reared its ugly head and my poor, pathetic body just couldn't fight it. Ha! Acute Sinusitis it is. And let me tell you...it is not  "a- cute"!(Cheesy, I know, but the joke was dangling in front of my face!)Who knows? Maybe I'll make more sense than usual? Thanks for your patience.

There's a song that has been playing in my head for the past month. It's a new one, entitled "Create in Me" by Rend Collective Experiment. I love it because it's pretty darn catchy, but also, it's David's prayer in Psalm 51. The words are quite simple, but they're also quite beautiful.

The chorus goes something like this:

Create in me a clean, clean heart

Create in me a work of art

Create in me a miracle

Something real and something beautiful

This is repeated several times in the beginning, then the tempo kicks up and the band starts chanting:

You're not finished with me yet, You're not finished with me yet. By God's power I can change, I can change 'cause you're not finished with me yet.

Sometimes I really get discouraged with my spiritual growth. Because I'm human, I always have expectations of myself. Plus, I'm overall just a Negative Nancy. There is always something broken that needs to be fixed. There is always a better lifestyle, or situation . "The grass is always greener..." should be tattooed on my forehead.(If you are familiar with the Temperaments Test, you should know that I am a Melancholy...and if you're familiar with the Spiritual Gifts test, it may also behoove you to know that I am a Mercy. Put those together, and I'm the Perfect Storm of emotions. My poor husband) But the Lord reminded me in this song that the day-by-day moments are what matters most. There is always hope because of what He has done...and there are always reasons to be thankful. The question: How can I glorify God most in this day? has been a helpful perspective-shifter for me. Because of Christ Jesus, my future is secure and I am a new creation. So WHY do I worry so much over the hypothetical "what if's" that I create on a daily basis? The Lord is concerned with how He is glorified day-by-day. He delights in those little moments of praise; in a thankful, hopeful heart. There is NO sense in getting discouraged over growth that I don't see happening. And it is just selfish for me to think that this season of my God-ordained life is a waste, or isn't good enough.  A)Then I am far too focused on  myself and my heart becomes divided...and B) I'm robbing God of glory by telling Him that what he has placed in my lap(which, by the way, is a sweet life FULL of nothing but blessings for which I need to be thankful) is "not as good as _____"(TALK ABOUT A SLAP IN THE FACE?!)

The reality is that God is always good and that he gives good things to his children(Luke 11:13). After such a sobering revelation(see above disjointed, frantically-written paragraph) it's easy for more discouragement to flood in. But, like David in Psalm 51, and like my friends in RCE,I have to come before Jesus with that prayer: Lord, I've failed again, but could you  Create in me a clean, clean heart. Create in me a work of art. Create in me a miracle, something real and something beautiful. And, like in this song, I will repeat it over and over again, probably daily, because I am weak and incapable apart from Jesus. Thankfully, though, He wants us to press into the hope that he is NOT finished with us yet, to find those reasons for thanksgiving. Thank the Lord that he loves us past our negativity and complaining hearts. Thank goodness  He has pledged to keep working on us, to continue making us more like Himself.  If you listen to the song, you'll hear the artists' interpretation of it. They're joyful, ectstatic even. So much so, that you can't help  but burst out dancing when you hear it. It's because He's NOT finished with us yet! Some days when I think about this, I feel like bursting into laughter and wild dancing. Crazy? Maybe. But totally appropriate, right? :)

Just another day in the life of this weirdo :)
Create in Me [video]

Every Broken Piece

The longer I walk around this world, the more I’m realizing that this life has nothing to do with me at all. In fact, I’m just part of someone else’s story. Yes, His story for me is unique and special, but even that isn’t about me. It’s all about Jesus. With that comes the bleak understanding that I am a dirty, selfish, sinful person, completely undeserving of God’s grace. 

                This has been a revelation of sorts for me, because along with it my eyes have been opened. Instead of thinking about my needs and my “woes” (I really have none worthy of sorrow) I see people. All of a sudden, I hear little bits and pieces that attune me to their brokenness.  I’m not saying I’m suddenly this magical mind-reader (because I couldn’t handle that!) but people are actually sharing the sadness of their hearts with me. It's actually quite random. Sometimes it takes me by surprise. I don’t expect for people to be so transparent, especially strangers. In fact, no one expects that in this day and age. But they are and it baffles me. I mean, there's really nothing special about me that they should want to share the deepest parts of their souls. Sometimes I don’t know how to respond. It’s not even like I’m intentionally listening for the sadness.  Like I said before, I’m nothing special. It’s because of Jesus.

                A few summers ago, a very wise woman encouraged me to be more  engaged with people by asking questions. It seems invasive and a bit awkward at first, but if I’ve learned anything from that exercise, it’s that people enjoy sharing the details of their lives. Don’t we all? Sometimes I catch myself giving an entire spiel  before I’ll dare ask about the other person. It’s almost like I need a bright blinking light above my head that shocks me when I hit my talking limit.  I think that’s just the way people are wired. We like to talk about ourselves.

                This morning after my Zumba class (you guys…it’s a dance party workout combo…how can you lose?!), I went to the store to exchange my tap shoes for a smaller size. The lady helping me had a beautiful engagement ring, and I complimented her on it. Her face brightened and she shared that she had been married almost a year, to which I shared that I had almost been married two. We congratulated each other, and the conversation shifted.

                “Do you guys have kids yet?” she asked

                “Not yet, my husband is in the Navy and we’re hoping we can wait until Shore Duty. What about you guys?”

                “We’re trying” her smile faded

                “That’s exciting, right?” I inquired

                “Yes, but we’ve already lost two.

I frowned, “I’m so sorry”

“It gets discouraging when we try and try and nothing happens”

At that point, she changed the topic to my shoes. Clearly, she didn’t want to think about what was or wasn’t happening in her life.

I walked away from the conversation feeling so burdened for that woman. I wanted to fix her problems immediately. So I sat there, and prayed silently for her in my car. She’s been on my mind ever since.

                Ruth Graham has a book entitled, In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart.  I think we can translate that title to our everyday lives. In every life sits a hole of brokenness. Sometimes the hole isn’t as visible as we might hope, but it’s there nonetheless, and it can only be filled with a Saviour. Jesus came to “bind up the brokenhearted” and “set the captives free” (Isaiah 61). He is the only one who can take every broken piece and bind it perfectly with Gospel healing. The more I mediate on this, the more tangible the charge to love others becomes. We, as believers, can share this bondage-releasing Gospel with people. We just have to ask questions, and listen for the leading of the Holy Spirit. Our eyes must be peeled and our ears open to catch those broken pieces.