I apologize for being MIA lately. Last week, I was preparing for our vacation to Dixie, and this week we're actually here with my family, so things have been a bit crazy! Please excuse anything here that doesn't make much sense. I am currently writing this "doped up" on pain meds and antibiotics. Yes, that's right, as soon as I got to GA pollen reared its ugly head and my poor, pathetic body just couldn't fight it. Ha! Acute Sinusitis it is. And let me tell you...it is not "a- cute"!(Cheesy, I know, but the joke was dangling in front of my face!)Who knows? Maybe I'll make more sense than usual? Thanks for your patience.
There's a song that has been playing in my head for the past month. It's a new one, entitled "Create in Me" by Rend Collective Experiment. I love it because it's pretty darn catchy, but also, it's David's prayer in Psalm 51. The words are quite simple, but they're also quite beautiful.
The chorus goes something like this:
Create in me a clean, clean heart
Create in me a work of art
Create in me a miracle
Something real and something beautiful
This is repeated several times in the beginning, then the tempo kicks up and the band starts chanting:
You're not finished with me yet, You're not finished with me yet. By God's power I can change, I can change 'cause you're not finished with me yet.
Sometimes I really get discouraged with my spiritual growth. Because I'm human, I always have expectations of myself. Plus, I'm overall just a Negative Nancy. There is always something broken that needs to be fixed. There is always a better lifestyle, or situation . "The grass is always greener..." should be tattooed on my forehead.(If you are familiar with the Temperaments Test, you should know that I am a Melancholy...and if you're familiar with the Spiritual Gifts test, it may also behoove you to know that I am a Mercy. Put those together, and I'm the Perfect Storm of emotions. My poor husband) But the Lord reminded me in this song that the day-by-day moments are what matters most. There is always hope because of what He has done...and there are always reasons to be thankful. The question: How can I glorify God most in this day? has been a helpful perspective-shifter for me. Because of Christ Jesus, my future is secure and I am a new creation. So WHY do I worry so much over the hypothetical "what if's" that I create on a daily basis? The Lord is concerned with how He is glorified day-by-day. He delights in those little moments of praise; in a thankful, hopeful heart. There is NO sense in getting discouraged over growth that I don't see happening. And it is just selfish for me to think that this season of my God-ordained life is a waste, or isn't good enough. A)Then I am far too focused on myself and my heart becomes divided...and B) I'm robbing God of glory by telling Him that what he has placed in my lap(which, by the way, is a sweet life FULL of nothing but blessings for which I need to be thankful) is "not as good as _____"(TALK ABOUT A SLAP IN THE FACE?!)
The reality is that God is always good and that he gives good things to his children(Luke 11:13). After such a sobering revelation(see above disjointed, frantically-written paragraph) it's easy for more discouragement to flood in. But, like David in Psalm 51, and like my friends in RCE,I have to come before Jesus with that prayer: Lord, I've failed again, but could you Create in me a clean, clean heart. Create in me a work of art. Create in me a miracle, something real and something beautiful. And, like in this song, I will repeat it over and over again, probably daily, because I am weak and incapable apart from Jesus. Thankfully, though, He wants us to press into the hope that he is NOT finished with us yet, to find those reasons for thanksgiving. Thank the Lord that he loves us past our negativity and complaining hearts. Thank goodness He has pledged to keep working on us, to continue making us more like Himself. If you listen to the song, you'll hear the artists' interpretation of it. They're joyful, ectstatic even. So much so, that you can't help but burst out dancing when you hear it. It's because He's NOT finished with us yet! Some days when I think about this, I feel like bursting into laughter and wild dancing. Crazy? Maybe. But totally appropriate, right? :)
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