And...no, I don't have anything spiritual to say about it. I just wanted to share it in hopes of a getting a laugh or two. :)
Today, as I was vacuuming, and my poor puppy was hiding behind the screen, I was feeling pretty accomplished. I had been jammin' out to my 60s pop iHeart station, and I was almost giddy. There's just something about productivity and good music that gets me all excited inside(permission granted to re-read that last sentence as one of the Darling twins...) I chuckled to myself as I drifted in and out my self-created rock concert. Naturally pretending my vacuum was my dance partner. It was fabulous, if I do say so, myself. Of course, I was my only audience...
Suddenly, I had to stop. Over my personal dance party, I heard this still small voice say, "I love you". I blushed. My insides started bubbling over. Tears inked out all over the place. I knew exactly who the voice was and I was sure I heard Him smiling. I felt so loved and wanted. It made me giggle. And cry. And laugh. Before I knew it, Matt Redman was leading me in worship over the sound of an angry vacuum. But the voice kept pressing in, making me feel delighted in and desired, and the vacuum was soon silenced. I simply had to stand there and sing, arms wide open, tears streaming down my face. I must've looked certifiable to my neighbors, who I'm sure saw everything through our glass doors, but I didn't really mind. It was the sweetest moment I've had in a long time.
I felt The Lord delighting over me being ME. He was applauding my quirks and smiling at my silliness. I was thankful for his love, and amazed that the Holy of Holies would love me enough to send Christ...and not only that, but to have a relationship with me. To know me. To want me. The feeling compelled me to worship and the worship took me deeper into His heart. I was in awe.
But there's a problem. I don't always feel it. In the past, my husband has said that I am an "off the charts feeler". He's right, I am. My feelings are like a double-edged sword, really. God made me emotional, so my emotions are not bad. It's just that when they become too much of a crutch that issues arise. When I feel something good, I FEEL it. I am joyful and enthusiastic. But when I'm sad, I am an Eeyore.My emotions also make me able to empathize with others on a more personal level, too. They're not entirely bad. But when it comes to worship, I should never need to feel something to respond.Christ is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. John Piper says this in a much more eloquent way:
“My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes - many times - my feelings are out of sync with the truth. When that happens - and it happens every day in some measure - I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with the truth.”
My faith cannot be based on what I do or do not feel. Regardless of whether or not I'm "feeling" like having a quiet time, God is God and He desires time with me. In fact, it is in those dry seasons, when God feels far away, that the need to press into his character is greater. When God seems far away, it's never because of anything he has done. It is usually because of my sin...but because of his love, He won't let me wallow in it. It is quite painful, but good. As a result, we see a little bit more of his heart. This relationship with God is a commitment, it is not merely something I do because I feel like it. And the encouraging truth is, He is WAY more committed to his beloved than we are to him. So, in those bone-dry seasons, or even in those numb moments, He loves us enough to combat the lies we are believing and draw out truth. THAT is our God. He is relational. He is merciful. And He is holy. Always.
So if you don't necessarily feel like being faithful today, or if you're just plain discouraged, just cling to the grace he offers so abundantly every day and walk forward resting in that strength. You are not alone in this. And you are loved far more than you know.
Psalm 103:17
But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children...
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