On our bathroom mirror one day, I wrote: "No reserves, no retreats, no regrets". The words come from a man named William Borden. Borden was a man who devoted his life to following Christ, at whatever cost. Even if the cost meant dying at age 25. He was resolved in mission and purpose. Nothing could shake him. You can read his story here: (William Borden: No Reserves. No Retreats. No Regrets.
I wrote those words there as a reminder for Tyler and me when we've had a hard day. Today was one of those days for me. I acted like a child this morning, not wanting to get out of bed or pursue any of my responsibilities. I was being mopey and lazy. I used my back as an excuse. And my poor husband suffered the brunt of it. He responded graciously and kindly, reassuring me that everything would be OK and I could stay home and rest if needed. He was a gem. Inevitably I found some silly reason to be mad at him and I pouted(again, like a child). Tyler continued to love me through my immaturity. I was clearly having a crazy female moment and, bless his heart, he had no idea what was going on.
After Tyler left this morning, the Enemy started creeping in, whispering lies, making me feel discouraged. I started wondering, "Why am I even here? Is this really it? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing with my life?"(I'm pretty sure we've all been here...) I felt weak; absolutely helpless. And then the Holy Spirit reminded me of Borden's words: No reserves, no retreats, no regrets. In my past few entries, I have addressed the issue of anxiety--my anxiety. I concluded that I cannot harbor reservation because it does not honor Christ. Why would he want me to second-guess this life he has perfectly planned for me? I don't know about you, but my relationship with The Lord is full of bumps. Somewhere along the road the discouragement crowds in and I feel like letting go, like moving in another direction. I am a weak, uncertain little girl. I call myself a "little girl" because I am literally acting like a child.
"For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly"
-Romans 5:8
Whoosh! And then grace comes in, sweeping me off my feet. I am weak, yes, but He really is STRONG! For goodness' sake, He created strength!
This is no high-school(I'm sorry, if you're a high-schooler and this offends you, but let's admit that high-schoolers are a bit flakey...I know I was sometimes!) relationship where I get to quit if it's too hard. Like the vows I made with my husband, I made a vow--a commitment-- to The Lord. This also means that I don't get to skip out on my responsibilities to which he has called me. I have promised that I WILL follow Christ, and I WILL serve him: No reserves, no retreats, no regrets.
"No distrust made him waiver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised"- Romans 4:20-21
So, I'm commanded NOT to cultivate distrust of my God, but to follow him in faith, fully convinced of his promise to me, which is his sure purposed for my life, and his grace to endure.
Gets me every time.
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