When My Arm Falls Asleep...

I miss my husband more than usual today. Well, that's not true. I always miss my husband like crazy when he's gone. But today, as I was laying there at 5:49 AM, I could not help but stare at the ceiling. My arm was numb, my back was aching and I was feeling slightly trippy woozie from my allergy medicine. But somehow I was, as Katy sings, "wide awake"(you better believe that song was stuck in my head...lovely). And I was not a fan. I don't really do early mornings, and the adjustment to Tyler's schedule has been hard, but so good for both of us.  On top of that, I never thought that I would need to depend on someone else to be able to" fall asleep. Without Tyler Walden, though, it is a struggle! As my friend Clare would say, "major struggs"! :) The positive about mornings, though, is that I actually get to be quiet. The dog isn't whining, the construction workers outside haven't started, and I'm pretty sure the rest of the residents in the complex are sleeping. Though early, it is a sweet time for me to be quiet before Jesus. Naturally, that isn't easy with the busy structure of our society...especially in California. It seems like everyone is on the go to fulfill their day's personal agenda.  I would be lying if I said my mind didn't wander. I think about the needs of our new puppy, Shiloh. I wonder if it's normal that she's still having runny poops(sorry if that was too informative, but it is a genuine concern!), or that she urinates every 5 minutes. I take some time to miss my wonderful family. I think about Tyler at work. Did he get enough rest? Did he get all of his assignments taken care of as he had hoped? Yes, my mind goes all over the place. But the sweetest moments in those early hours are when the Lord focuses my heart and my mind. In the midst of one of my mental random rabbit trails a few years back, it dawned on me that I could talk to the Lord about them. I, personally, am always talking to something or someone, if not myself. I realize that probably isn't normal. But if you're reading my blog, then the chances are that you know me, and you know how crazy I am sometimes most of the time. I am OK with that. (: It has been so satisfying to spend my mornings conversing with the Father who perfectly meets my needs, even if the current need is just a little,seemingly meaningless conversation. He loves me that much.

I wish I could say that I loved Shiloh with that perfect kind of love. I wish I was just bubbling over to meet  her needs, and more importantly, my husband's needs. I laugh now as I mentally stream today's events. At 5:45 I awoke.
From 5:45-7:45- Checked some social networking sites(I admit, ashamedly, they are part of the morning routine) and laid there in silence with Jesus.
At 8: I got out of bed, walked Shiloh, fed Shiloh, and walked her again.
At 8:30: I went back upstairs, suffered a failed attempt at sleep, enjoyed Christmas at Downton Abbey.
At 10:30: I rolled out of bed, showered and walked Shiloh again. It has been a lazy day!We haven't found a church home yet(please keep praying) and going without my husband is hard for me. But I think I'm going to try one out at 4:30 pm today!
Since then, I have been reading/uploading pictures accompanied by a Spice Candle and the Gungor Pandora station.By 12:30, Shiloh had urinated in the house all of 7 times. This is not usual for her. And I did not enjoy cleaning up after her every single time. In fact, I recall complaining. She needed me just the way I needed the Lord this morning, and I did not patiently, perfectly meet her needs as He did mine. I did not joyfully wipe her urine. Nor did I happily walk her in the cold morning air. All she needed was for me to clean up after her and spend a few minutes with her outside, including an occasional play session with her toy duck. Boy, did I fail!Did I ever think the Lord would show me his love through our puppy? No! Don't we serve a creative God?

This never gets old.


OH by the way, if you haven't yet seen Shiloh, here she is:

 9 weeks old