Missing Love

It truly has been far too long since my last entry. Life has been hectic. I have rehearsals in the afternoon and now at night since I'm helping with the makeup for a show. Plus, I have many extra-curricular activities to juggle alongside classwork.Breathing is a luxury. I was able to escape to the beach this past weekend for a retreat with some close friends. It was awesome and MUCH needed. BUT...now its Monday night and homework looms. I awoke from a mini panic attack this morning. I'm the kind of person who worries in her sleep. I imagine that can't be healthy, but its honestly the way I was wired. I think about things. I knead thoughts left and right in my mind for endless hours. When I'm thinking this way, sleep doesn't come easily. In fact, it rarely comes at all. So, as I was lying there groggily contemplating what feels like the busiest week of my life, I was reminded of the Lord's love. In my spare time( ha, what a joke) I've been enjoying Francine Rivers' Redeeming Love(I know, I know you're thinking, Sus, WHAT?! You're just NOW reading that book?) For those of you who, like me are late fanatics,the book is the story of the Prophet Hosea in the Bible. Basically, the Lord commands Hosea to pursue a prostitute relentlessly to exemplify God's grace and mercy towards his bride. Its a beautiful story. In the book, one character--Mr. Michael Hosea-- pursues a prostitue named Angel. Hilariously enough, Angel's name depicts the exact opposite of who she is. She is wounded and bitter; definitely hard to love.And yet, He pursues her graciously and unconditionally--much like the way our Father loves us.
At one point, he looks at the stubborn,wild-hearted Angel and says,

"I've loved watching you grow and change. You're never the same. I love the way you take on new things, your drive to learn. I love how you work, how you have this little-girl look on your face when you finish something you've never tried before. I love watching you skip across the meadow. I love seeing you laugh...and hang on to wisdom. I've loved giving you pleasure. I loved feeling you melt. I loved hearing you say my name. LOVE cleanses, beloved. It doesn't beat you down. It doesn't cast blame. My love isn't a weapon. Its a lifeline. Reach out and take hold, and don't let go."

Combine this quote with Isaiah 30:18:
"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all those who wait for him!"

As soon as I dragged myself out of bed and read this verse, I realized how foolish my anxiety was. I am LOVED. The Lord has been trying to remind me of that--particuarly lately--but I've missed the love. I've been consumed with thoughts of anxious fear and unnecessary stress. Yes, I have a busy schedule, but that doesn't liscense an anxious response. The Lord LOVES me! He "rises to show [me] compassion"!And I have the nerve to worry about the chaos in my life. The Lord is pursuing me the way Michael Hosea pursues Angel...but WAY better.Hosea's quote above is a small description of the Lord's love for his beloved bride.Everything begins and ends with HIS perfect, unfading love. Hm, the thought of anything else pales in comparison.Instead of constantly bemoaning the tasks at hand, do them and focus your energy on this love. Let this love supply your zealous energy for the day. Chew on that the next time you start moping about your "busy day", Susanna.