Rest

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. You said, ‘No, we will flee on horses.’ Therefore you will flee! You said, ‘No, we will ride off on swift horses!’ therefore your pursuers will be swift! A thousand will flee at the threat of one; at the threat of five, you will all flee away, till you are left like a flagstaff on a mountaintop, like a banner on a hill. YET, the Lord longs to be gracious to you. He RISES to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him”
Isaiah 30:15-18

Last week was rough. I hate to color the whole week in negativity because there were joy moments, but overall, I can’t say that it was a particularly joyful week. It’s like the jet-lag, exhaustion of classes and extra-curricular activities tumbled down into one giant lull of frustration and anxiety. Recently, I have been fighting the remembrance of past sins. It seems that every other moment of my days has been a constant battle. I’ll remember those shameful moments of pride and selfishness when everything I did or said ceased to honor the Lord. I remember all of it, but Satan inserts the most intricate bits and pieces of those moments at exactly the most inconvenient time. Naturally, those thoughts morph into feelings of hopelessness and shame. Then, I doubt my existence and purpose. Sin can be a slippery slope of depression if we don’t take our thoughts captive. My precious friend Marissa and I always joke that when someone asks you how you’re doing, they’d better want a solid answer because that’s what they’ll get! That’s how I responded this week. Whenever someone asked, I gave them an honest, “Not so great, but I will be okay!” At least that’s genuine. That, however, is beside the point. I think that the theme of my week can be summarized through verse 15 of Isaiah 30. I’ll rewrite it so you won’t have to scroll up :) :

“…in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it…”

There you have it. When I met with Jesus early Tuesday morning, he “lowered the boom” on me. I wasn’t resting. I didn’t fully understand rest (and I won’t claim that I do even now). What does it mean to rest? And how did quietness and repentance coincide with rest? Did I have to be physically quiet? I know the answers seem blatantly obvious, but I was seriously wondering these things. WHY were these four words (repentance, rest, quietness and strength) grouped as a whole? Then I realized, I was trusting those darn horses again! When Satan attacked, I wasn’t truly captivating those thoughts and surrendering them to Christ. That morning, the Lord reminded his daughter that he had already forgiven my sin. In fact, he forgave it long before I committed it. Part of taking those thoughts captive IS repenting my sin of dwelling on those thoughts and RESTING in Christ’s forgiveness. You see, my focus was entirely wrong. Instead of gazing on the cross, I was gazing upon the crowd who nailed him there(with whom I was once a part). Repentance equals rest. So, in every following moment of discouragement that followed, I was able to rest in repentance. As a result, the Lord produced a quiet, trusting heart. So, the Lord is not calling me to become some mousy, quiet girl because that’s not who he created. Instead, he demands a quiet, peaceful heart—which only HE can supply. And boy, he sure DOES supply. I’m not saying that everything has been easy from that point forward, but I am definitely mindful of forgiveness and resting in surrender. Praise the Lord—He is consistently patient with me. I’m so thankful.

Learning to love until all have heard,
Sus