Patient Pursuit

Fall semester is surprisingly the hardest of the two. Well, I suppose that's not much of a surprise. As a student, you're returning to the tedious reality of tests, quizzes, late-night cram sessions and extra-curriculars. For me, this means theatre, theatre and MORE theatre. I'm finding odd jobs to add to my resume(like House Manging and helping with stage makeup) while juggling rehearsals and in-class assignments(like memorizing/performing a monologue which include LOTS of pre-performance paperwork). It is enjoyable, however also extremely overwhelming. This past week, I realized that I say "yes" entirely too much. I hate to let people down, therefore I try to be "that girl" who always says, "Of course I can!" or "Sure, I can do that.No problem". Honestly, I prefer the chaos. I can't really explain why. The logic escapes even me. I think I just hate boredom or any kind of free time because I feel like I'm not productive if I have too much time on my hands. It seems safe enough, right? WRONG. It's actually severely dangerous. I thought I could manage such a busy schedule, complete with meetings and rehearsals, but I was sorely wrong. I became so busy(in merely a week) that any free time I had was spent sleeping or doing homework. I was exhausted. My exhaustion became a catalyst for laziness. I wasn't spending time with Jesus. Ultimately, I wasn't resting. I don't exactly know what it means to rest.
I finally sat down at my kitchen table and opened my Bible. Did the Lord scold me in disappointment? No. Did He litter my heart with heavy sighs? No. Instead, he led me to Job 11:13:
"Yet, if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him..."
Immediately my eyes changed "heart" to "time".I felt...relieved,convicted, broken...and peaceful. The Lord was waiting for me to devote my time to him with open arms.I was making myself available for everyone else but not for the One who deserves ALL of my availability. And yet He waited. He always waits; determined to demand my attention.

The Puritans wrote it best:
"Yet thou hast laid help on One that is mighty, for there is mercy with thee, and exceeding riches in thy kindness through Jesus. May I always feel my need of him. Let thy restored joy be my strength..."(Kept By God)

Even though I neglected Him tremendously last week, He still loves me enduringly.He still draws me to himself and reminds me(particularly in the loudest,busiest moments) that I am His. I'm so thankful.

Sus