All the Single Ladies

I’m not going to pretend that I know how you feel.  I’m not going to tell you an inspirational story of how I waited for years on end, and just when it seemed like there was no hope, my “knight in shining armor” swept me off my feet.  I can’t sympathize with you when you say that you feel like you’ll never meet that person who helps your life make a little more sense…or the one who will be right beside you through thick and through thin, to encourage you, hold you and comfort you. I just can’t. I have that person. In fact, he is literally right beside me drinking his coffee. Mine is the story of a girl who married her soul mate right out of college , so I can’t say that I waited too long for “Mr. Right” to come along(Although, when it comes to the game of love, any waiting period seems like an eternity).And I am thankful, believe me. But this is not about how I can or cannot relate. This is about you.

I was one of the first people in my circle of friends to get married a little over a year ago. Most of my closest friends aren’t married yet. We’ve all been out of college for about a year and a half now, and they are working/finishing school/starting grad school while I am just now settling into what I call my “normal marriage routine”.  We’re in different seasons, but so what? They’re still some of the most important people in my corner, and though we can’t relate on every level, they help me manage my “crazy”. I love these people with my whole heart. I need them. And no, I can’t fully relate to them. We’ve established this. Sometimes that means I don’t know how to encourage them when they’re feeling particularly discouraged about the “L” word.  But my heart aches for them, and as I was driving home today from work (apparently my wheels spin best when I’m in the car or the shower…) I felt particularly burdened for them. 

My husband was my first official boyfriend. I had crushes my entire life (probably a new one every month in  middle school..oh dear goodness). There were sometimes mutual crushes, but for the most part, the feelings I had were unrequited.  Dealing with that was hard, and there times when my heart felt like it couldn’t handle any more rejection…or couldn’t wait around much longer. I was pretty pathetic (you can ask my two college besties).  I remember feeling so incredibly hopeless and lonely. I would see a boy on my college campus during a walk to class and think, is HE my future husband? Yeah, I was that girl. So when my husband picked me, out of every woman in the world, to be his wife, I was shocked and relieved really, because I knew that in the past I had gone about things horribly wrong. My hope was misplaced and my desire for a husband was too much of a crutch. For so many years, I desired husband to feel happy and content; to feel like I could trust the Lord with this major life decision. I don’t know why, but I felt like somehow being married would solve all of my life problems. SPOILER ALERT: it doesn’t J

You, my friends, are not like that. And I can’t allow a moment of discouragement hinder you from seeing how beautiful you are. I admire you. And even though I don’t know exactly what you are feeling, I want to be here to remind you of who I see. You are strong and selfless. You have a holy independence, submitting to the Father, and you take Him at his word. Your trust in his character is indelible. And your resolute focus inspires me. You might think that because you don’t have a husband yet that something is wrong with you. Or that your standards are unreasonably high. But that is not the case. When I look at you, I see a woman who wholly hopes in God(Ps. 39:7), and who continues to give of herself that He may be glorified. I see someone who’s need to love people surpasses her need to find a husband(Ruth 1:16). I see someone who is trusting while she waits, instead of hastily making her own plans (Prov. 3:5-6) I see a peaceful spirit because you choose not to partner with fear( 1 Peter 3:6). I see a woman who cultivates a heart of thanksgiving (1 Samuel 2:1-2). I see someone whose quiet confidence points ever to Christ(Isa. 30:15). I see you. And each new day that you choose to rest in God’s faithful provision(whether or not he deems fit that you have a husband) I know he is glorified. I mean, every time you come to mind I can’t help but squeal a bit and think, gosh, she is so cool. So I know that the Lord is literally singing in exultation over the woman that you are (Zeph. 3:17).  And you are  an amazingly talented, beautiful inside-and-out person. I am thankful for you. And I am confident that just by being  you lives are being changed and hearts are being blessed.  I know I cannot begin to understand how your heart is hurting, but I’m here to rejoice over who and where you are now. And I love the heck out of you. I am thankful for your influence on my life and it is a blessing to learn from your friendship. Day-by-day you are becoming more like our good, merciful God, and I think that is something worth celebrating.

Also, Colin Firth likes you "just as you are":)