My first week has officially begun! After a crazy, yet safe weekend in Vegas, Jacqueline and I finally arrived in Edwards, California on Sunday afternoon. Interestingly enough, we were forced to wait outside of the AFB because of a miscommunication with our contact(no worries, all is well). The AFB itself was desolate. There was no one and nothing around for miles. Frustration was certain, and patience was thin. However, we got in after a few hours(and some sweet talk, of course!).I'll never know why these things happen, but I trust that there's always a reason.
The kids arrived on Monday. I was a nervous wreck. In fact, I still am.Everyday I walk into our rehearsal space wondering HOW in the world I'll conquer the day. I think, "If I could only attack the day with half of the energy they have, maybe I'll sruvive". The kids are wonderful,no doubt.I'm merely overwhelmed by the fact that we are producing a show in all of 20 hours(2 rehearsal sessions daily,2 hours each).It's this surreal rush that I've never felt before.You're anxious for numerous reasons: line memorization,blocking cues, choreography, music;costumes,putting up the set...the list is unending.Soon enough your head starts spinning tiny webs of worry, fear and discouragement. Mind you, these feelings preface the actual rehearsals. And then the kids run in smiling. Suddenly, your webs disintigrate.These kids bring joy. THEY bring fun, wholesome reason to the joy beneath the cobwebs.Today, for example, I was so discouraged after my first rehearsal session. The kids were all diligent with their work, minus one boy(we'll call him B), who didn't seem particularly thrilled to be in the show. His mood essentially brought everyone else down, including me. I felt like a failure, but I'm almost certain his attitude has nothing to do with me/ Yesterday afternoon, I was priviledged to work with another boy( we'll call him J). J is active and imaginative. He demands attention and is always on the move. Sometimes this makes behaving difficult. Somehow, though, he's never made me question his committment to his role(which is rather significant). I can't quite determine what it is, but I know he's special. Anyway, I walked into the main rehearsal space after my first session this morning practically sinking with every step. J must have seen my face, because as soon as I walked in, he ran into my arms exclaiming,"I missed you today". Once again,a precious reminder of why I'm here. It was his words, "I miss you" that brightened my day.It was his words that made him lovable.Yet they also made me think of B. Why was he so pessimistic and grumpy? And WHY is it so much harder for me to love him? Shouldn't his attitude trigger more compassion from me? Shouldn't his attitude theoretically make him more lovable? And this, my friends, is why I love my job. The more I work among these special kids, the more I realize that it's all about love. Love love LOVE.Not a human kind of love(if that can even be justifiably real), but God's authentic, abounding love. When I'm bitter and stubborn, the Lord's love for me increases.When I stumble in the shadows of my sin, the Lord takes hold of my hand and gently leads me along. When I am angry and aggravated, the Lord pursues me relentlessly.
"This is how God showed his love among us:He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: NOT that we loved God, but that God loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us"
--John 4:8-14
Love begins and ends with Christ.We play no part in it.What a humbling thought!He supplies the strength to love...particularly the unlovable, which is ultimately what we all are. What is my response?Intense gratitude.
What is my plan? To actively embrace this love with every fiber of my being.Until all have heard.
Learning how to love,
Susanna
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