Chariots and Horses

Show Day= HYSTERIA.
My schedule?
7:00 am- Wake up feverish/anxious with nightmares on the brain(children, children everywhere!!)
7:30- hang out with Jesus(and receive a huge reminder to CHILL OUT and TRUST)
9:00- roll out of bed and prepare for the day!
10:00- The kids arrive. Let the speeches begin(Instructions on makeup, costumes and SHOW DAY)RUN THE SHOW!
11:00-12:00pm-Makeup, costumes, makeup, la la la chaos la la la...
12:30-LUNCH!A.K.A-T-shirt/DVD/CD sales!!
1:00-Finishing touches--and then sing-through( of every number)!

Cue...MELTDOWN--Yes, that's right folks, I quietly lost it. What else can you do when a young Yellow Knight informs you that he won't be able to perform in the show(s) because of an unbearable illness? So, with a smile on my face, I gently pat him on the back and sent him on his way while I headed to the bathroom with his costume(which I prayed would fit). After a few tears and a prayer, I headed to the stage, ready to "face the music"(or 34 children)! If I do say so myself, I looked quite ridiculous. I was met at the door by the same youngster who couldn't go on. He was smiling and told me that he could pull through. Miracle? Yes. Unnecessary anxiety? Yes, again.
2:00--FIRST SHOW!It was a little shaky, but the kids had fun, which is really all that matters.
4:00-FINAL SHOW!This one ran much more smoothly than the last.I didn't have to call lines every few minutes (:. At the end of my curtain speech, I could see the tears in the eyes of the parents and I was humbled. As if that wasn't enough, one of the smallest, most lovable kids in the show presented J and me with a car shade signed by the cast.*Tear* What a sentimental gift for our first week out!:)

I spent the past weekend with my cousins in Bakersfield, CA. It was a refreshing break from the fun,chaotic week I survived. I really enjoyed the time I spent there. I felt encouraged, loved and served. And yet,I was still anxious. Funny how THAT happens. Anxiety has been prevalent these past few days. It started when my phone completely died last Friday afternoon. I haven't been able to make calls, send or receive text messages. Basically, I have limited contact with the ones I love. The Devil has been relishing this opportunity to attack. And honestly, sometimes his attempts get the best of me. He'll make me question certain relationships in my life or certain thoughts I have. He'll twist the truth to make it sound like a lie.And finally,He steals my sleep. This may be his most effective method since it's in the late hours of the night(and essentially the early hours of the morning) when I'm weakest. How does this happen? He stimulates my thoughts. I stay up for hours pondering the lies I've been fed throughout the day. These thoughts invade my heart and create fear. The worst part is, I struggle to fight it. I've grown so used to the lies that I almost accomodate them numbly. I woke up this morning feeling so alone,no doubt because of the lies.I drudged throughout the day in this false sense of loneliness until the Lord graciously gave me some perspective from Psalm 20:

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise and stand firm"(vs. 7-8)

And then in Isaiah 31:
"Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help, who rely on horses, who trust in the multitude of their chariots and in the great strength of their horsemen, but do not look to the Holy One of Israel, or seek help from the Lord"(vs. 1)

When I read these verses, one question came to mind: In what/who are you placing your trust?And then I realized... I'm that girl. You know, the one who can't survive a few days without her cell phone. Really, without technology.I'm also the girl who needs relationships(friends, family).I thrive in them. Pathetic, isn't it? I have grown accustomed to my cell phone and I NEED people. Sometimes the need is so desperate that my inner monster appears if I haven't spoken to certain individuals in a few days. I take for granted each familiar conversation,every encouraging note, each loving text message...etc. I know this may sound shallow to some. Frankly, it seems shallow of me to be so dependent.But the Lord once again used this reminder for my good(doesn't He always?). I am placing my trust in material things, or even relationships HE has built.In chariots and horses, if you will. This world was dangerously becoming enough for me.That,my friends, is the issue; the world should NEVER be enough.And yet, here I am depending on earthly possessions and seemingly vital relationships as if they can satisfy. Psht. Then, I started thinking about the persecuted church. Let's be honest, they probably don't have contact with any of their loved ones. They have NO access to any kind of technology whatsoever. Are they lonely? Maybe.Definitely.I'm sure they're homesick.However, the difference here is, they're choosing to depend solely on Christ. THEY are yearly, monthly, DAILY saying, "Jesus satisfies all my longings".He is their hope.They don't get distracted by chariots and horses because they are fatally committed to this faith. I am so thankful for our gracious Father, who forgives when we fall stupidly back into our sin.

Learning how to love until all have heard,

<3 Sus