When we first moved to San Diego, I had no friends. Naturally, this is the case for many people upon moving to a new city. Tyler and I had just graduated, gotten married, and joined the Navy(Well, that was Tyler, but if you're a Navy spouse you catch my drift...). Plus, we moved across the country far, far away from our families(Looking back now, I’d say that was the best thing for us…but that’s another post for another day). I felt lonely, I had no job, and Tyler was gone a lot. In fact, a week after we arrived in San Diego he shipped off for two weeks. It was crazy. Now that I’m a little more seasoned in the military lifestyle, I feel thankful that he didn’t deploy right away(as is not uncommon for some military couples). The Lord protected us from a lot that year. I remember feeling pretty hopeless sometimes because I was unfamiliar with this new lifestyle we had adopted, and it was not at all what I expected(is life ever?!). I was disappointed and discouraged. It didn’t seem fair that Tyler had to be away so often. But then a friend through the Navigators(which, I'm learning, is really such a small world the more people you know!! :) ) introduced me (via Facebook) to her friend--we shall call her B-- who also lived in San Diego with her husband. They were a military couple, and had been married for some time. It was this random, unexpected gift from God. Before she knew little more than my profile picture, and the bits of information our mutual friend had shared, B asked to be my friend. And no, I am not referring to a Facebook friendship. Well, to be honest, she did “add” me, but that’s not the point. She told me we were friends. We had never met, we had never really had a conversation, and she said, “let’s be friends”. B wanted my friendship. Not because she knew it could benefit her, or because she wanted to up her FB friend count. She just wanted to know me. I was humbled. After a few mini-messaging sessions, we were able to coordinate a rendezvous at a shoebox coffee shop near her house. It was B's favorite, and she was a “usual”(I always wanted to be a “usual”!). So, before she even knew me, she wanted to be my friend, and she was already taking me to her sacred “honey hole”. The people there knew her order, and they seemed to love her. All at once I was adopted into this routine before we had done more than exchange first names. When we met that day, I remember feeling slightly anxious.
What if she decides we can’t be friends after she meets me? What if I am too much? What if she thinks I am a charity case? What if she sees how pathetic I am?
When I got there, she enthusiastically hugged me, and we ordered coffee. We swapped stories and questions, and soon it seemed like we had been there for hours. We were old friendsinstantly because of our Jesus bond and because she chose, out of the goodness of her heart, to let me into her life.
Over the next year, I found myself coming to B for advice, and soon we began praying weekly together. She encouraged me, and challenged me every time we got together. B had been married a little bit longer, and was further along in her walk with Jesus/life as a military spouse. She knew secrets that I didn’t, and she was willing to let me in. She shared her life with me. Together, we wrestled through all of my worries and doubts in that first year of marriage, and together, we prayed for victory over struggles with sin. B was like my big sister.
With the chaos of life, we rarely get to spend time together these days. We have jobs and families to prioritize, and we are both heavily involved in our respective ministries. But every once in a while, we find some time to spend together, and it is always precious.
B was my first and only sincere friend for a while in the beginning, and she didn’t have to be. She took time to meet up with me, and make me feel a little less crazy when I expressed certain concerns or issues. B loved me. And she still does.
In college all I was exposed to was formal ministry. What I mean is, it was always structured, and discipleship meant meeting weekly to discuss a Bible study that you would go through together. If you were involved in a specific campus ministry, someone was assigned to disciple you. You didn’t have to seek It out, and community was a given. Everything just sort of came to you. Since real life has happened (life outside of college), I have found that this type of discipleship doesn’t happen as easily or frequently. Relationships happen at coffee shops, the pool and sometimes social gatherings (i.e. Bible study). I used to feel discouraged about this, but then I realized that we, as women, aren’t always meant to do life together with a structured Bible study. Sometimes we are, but more often than not we feel( or at least I do) more loved when someone is taking the time to pursue friendship with us. That is something we highly value, because as life gets busier(especially for mommies, so I’ve heard!!) we have little time for that. So when we get together with someone, when we make the choice to give some of our treasured time away for a few hours, we want to unwind and share life experiences, to talk about what Jesus is teaching us, and eat something sugary. For me, that’s what B did. And through that relationship, I grew closer to Jesus. I’m not implying that we throw out Bible study altogether (because some of the most valuable times I’ve had with women have been in the Word!) but we should, first and foremost, remember to love and care for each other through relationships.
So, this post is for B. Not because she’s awesome, but because God is. And he used her to tackle my crazy, hormonal heart; to help me realize just how good God is, and how lovely authentic friendship can be. Thanks for making me feel His love in a new, refreshing way. Thanks for being my friend. All glory to Him.
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