Glitter

Loving people has been difficult lately. Don't ask me why. Maybe its because I'm so distracted by work...or maybe its because I'm selfish(I'd go with the latter excuse). I am such a sinner. Everyday my loathing of this sin darkens. Sin really is detestable. We taught 19 workshops in Reno last week. That's roughly 4 a day. OR, in our case, 3 Monday-Wednesday, 5 Thursday and 5 on Friday. On top of that, we directed 4 hours of rehearsals with a mere fifteen minute break in between. By the time we made it back to our hotel in the evening, it was bedtime and I was pooped! Fun fact: when Susanna is lacking in sleep, she's either grumpy or loopy. The combination of those two emotions is NOT appropriate for working with kids. At morning workshops, my sleeplessness threatened to overtake me. So, before each morning,I knelt in prayer before the Lord, asking for strength. It wasn't easy to love the unruly children at some of those workshops, but by God's grace I could. Instead of feeling frustrated with kids for jumping on me and failing to pay attention at times, I felt compassionate towards them. Naturally, my sin would sneak up on me, telling me to snap. But the Lord is immensely gracious, and "where sin increased, grace increased all the more". Miraculously, when a little one asked, "Why do I need to listen to this?" I was able to answer politely, and with a smile. And when yet another began to whine because her costume wasn't the way she preferred, I was able to smile, fix her problem and move forward with the day.Also, when the frequent nose-bleed occurred(we are out West, after all), I didn't become unglued. I calmly and patiently escorted him/her to the bathroom and was even able to alleviate any little-one fears with a kind word. It hasn't been easy to live in a world of complaints, nose-bleeds and rebellious attitudes, but by God's grace I manage. No, I don't manage, I shine.Actually, Christ shines.Susanna has nothing to do with it. Last Friday, Jacqueline and I had 5 workshops, 4 hours of rehearsal, and 1 hour of constructing the set afterward. It was a strenuous day. Later on,the Lord encouraged my heart with this verse:
"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of the dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day"
--Proverbs 4:18
Earlier last week, on a day when I was feeling particularly discouraged over a number of silly things, one little boy decided to make me smile. I was sitting there pitifully attempting some paperwork, when a young Camelotian took my hand. I had been grouchy all day long and I was acting ridiculous.
"Where are we going?"
No answer.
He took me up to the piano, where our lovely accompanist was reviewing sheet music.
When we arrived at the piano(the walk to the stage was quite lengthy), he placed one hand on my shoulder and the other on the accompanist's.With a smile that was more than endearing, he said, "You(accompanist) are just the best piano player ever. And YOU(Susanna) are just...you are just the most talented singer and actor I have ever met". When he finished his spiel, he ran away to join the other children. Was he seriously talking to me, Miss Grumpy McGrumperson? Humbled, party of one. What a gracious God we serve. I know these stories may seem redundant, but its because these grace experiences far outweigh the negativities(which aren't truly as bad as they seem) my sin tries to magnify. How beautiful it is to feel the light of Christ amidst the "Oscar the Grouch" moments. It is refreshingly real and abundantly humbling. Christ shines through the grouch within. Christ is the light source, making his beloved shine "ever brighter until the full light of day" when He returns. What is my response? Thanks and a desire(through God's grace) to love the Oscars of this world. Writing as one myself, you never know what they're feeling.And you have to realize(even though they're not the shiniest toy in the box) that they have glitter,too.

Learning how to love until all have heard,

Susanna